This Thanksgiving is a weird one. It’s another holiday where I will be with family and yet missing a part of myself. Harper would have been almost two years old at this point. Who knows what fun things she’d be doing right now had she lived.
Last week, Esme joined our family a little early. She is so precious and such a joy so I am extremely thankful for her but unfortunately, she won’t be joining us for Thanksgiving. Yesterday she had her car seat test and she was doing so well until the end when her heart rate dropped.
Because she failed the test, she can’t come home until Friday at the earliest. Had she passed, there was a chance she would be home today. But since she failed, they have to redo the test and are keeping her for at least 48 hours.
Even though I know she’s going to be home soon, Thanksgiving Day is going to be difficult. Not only am I missing a child that I will never hold again on this side of heaven, I have another baby in the NICU and not with me.
Thanksgiving, like every other big holiday, will be a day of holding back tears. Even as I sit here, I am struggling to keep the tears back. More than anything, I don’t want to upset my other kids, especially Jeremiah. He is so sensitive to how I’m feeling and if I’m upset and he can’t fix it, he gets upset.
So pray for us. It’s going to be a difficult day for everyone.
Heartbreak and Jesus 