And that’s where I am…waiting. This baby is perfectly content with staying inside which is fabulous but we are just in a time of waiting on her. I haven’t been this pregnant in over 10 years so every ache and pain and cramp is scary. I’ve been to the hospital so many times for monitoring and every time they send me home because she’s fine and I’m fine.
I’m not complaining by any means. But it’s hard to have a successful pregnancy after having such a difficult pregnancy. What went so wrong in my last pregnancy that we lost Harper and now it’s looking like I’ll make it to 37 weeks (which is as long as they’ll let me go)?
One thought that I’ve been having is that Harper may have had a genetic disorder that would have made her life extremely difficult and painful, as I am a carrier for a good bit of genetic disorders that are death sentences for kids. So was it an act of mercy that God took her as early as he did? Who knows. But I sure do miss her. And that puts me in another time of waiting…waiting until I see her again.
As great as it’s been to have such a successful pregnancy, we are still done having kids. Physically, it’s extremely painful for me to be pregnant. I see women who are 32+ weeks pregnant and they are able to do everything they could do before with no pain and I am jealous! Even in the early stages of my pregnancy, I was in pain. The further along I get, the more it hurts so I am physically done.
Waiting is not one of my strengths; I am quite impatient. But I think this little one is going to test me to help strengthen my patience. And I know the minute she’s born, time is going to fly and I’ll be sending her off to college. But HE is in the waiting and giving me a feeling of peace and comfort in a time where I’m on an emotional roller coaster.
Heartbreak and Jesus 